Memory (2011)

by Roderick

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released June 22, 2011

Engineered and Edited by Stephen Kellner
Engineered, Edited, Mixed, and Mastered by Ethan Bill

All lyrics, vocals, and guitar by Stephen Kellner*
Drums and bass by Ethan Bill
Additional programming by Stephen Kellner and Ethan Bill

*Guest vocals on track 4 by Jacqui Sandell of My Arcadia
Violin and Cello on tracks 3, 4, 5, and 8 by Yuri Suzuki
Flute on tracks 4 and 5 by Chris Diasparra



all rights reserved


Roderick New York, New York

Roderick is the nom-de-plume of singer-songwriter Stephen Kellner.
Songs about life from an honest perspective.

Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song!

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Track Name: Life's An Ocean
I've got this silly way of thinking life's an ocean,
And beautiful girls, like you, they must control the tide.
Don't forget I'm shipwrecked and you know I hate to swim,
But it seems my only hope in breathing is to take the water in.

See I'm the type of guy that only knows devotion,
Come with me we'll be like Bonnie and Clyde.
But instead of robbing all those banks, we'll capture hearts,
By proving life can be so beautiful if love is the start.

All I asked for was a chance to be,
Kicking sand, Cali shores, dodging phone-lines for tan-lines,
To finally find a place to call home.
All I asked for was a chance to be,
Oh, but I'm doing much better now.

Now that my high's reach the sun, and this world and I are one,
Maybe the sea could part and bring you to me.
In a world full of shit, see the coast admire it,
'Cause tomorrow isn't promised, I'm sorry I'm honest, but that's me.

Why do you do the subtle things that undo my space to grow?
But I can't blame you, 'cause you don't know it hurts like hell.
How do you do that special thing that cuts my air so I can't breathe?
If I weren't hopeless, by now I'd probably leave.
But not 'til I ask you a couple of things,
Can you say you love me and you know what you mean?
Track Name: It's Not Over
It's not over for me, it never was.
If I could just pretend you're mine again, I'd hold you close and I'd never let go.

My friend once said there's no such thing as the right time.
So why do I wait for you to notice I've been waiting?
Pastel skies on cold fall drives, meet me for coffee at that place nearby.
I'll ask you if your heart beats just like mine.

It's not over for me, it never was.
Timing is, timing's everything, so here's a toast to us.
Shared words start to coat my heart in watercolors.
If I could just pretend you're mine again, I'd hold you close and I'd never let go.

Oh, every girl I see just can't compare to you,
Like a thief in the night, you're the one who stole my stare.
And if it's any consolation, maybe I'm to blame.
I got in the way, but I'm not giving up 'til we're okay.

Giving in hurts more than giving you away.
But my grip is growing faint...

If I wasn't always high all of the time,
Maybe later we could give it another try.

Maybe later you could see if I fit in your life.
Track Name: Wolf, Take Your Bow
Blinded by beauty and a smile.
I just lost control, and it took a while to find out,
I was fooled into pouring my faith into you.

Why's this pain in my throat causing me to lose hope?
Does this hole in my chest really mean there's nothing left?
Track Name: Zephyr At The Seaport
A brilliant white dressed in brilliant light,
Streamlines its way into New York nights.
A river of shine full of dreams aligned,
Lights up a path towards New York skies.
All my fears are scattered far,
And there's beauty in this sunlight.

Vanilla scented skies, and I breathe into life.
The subtle tick of time slows down until it dies.
Vanilla scented skies, ahh...

And it was year after year of just falling in love.
Every moment in time it was you I dreamt of.
Love can't fall apart, I won't believe it.
It just changes face when you try to deceive it.

Without as much an ounce of blame,
The love of my left the way she came,
On a zephyr at the seaport.

"I had my fun, oh, I had my fun with you.
But boy, you've got to reach for the skies these days,
Dust the milky clouds away."

As a matter of fact, I'd like to thank you for that,
For teaching me to cherish everyone I have met.

"You'll love again, your heart will grow,
But in the end, you'll always know my vanilla scented skies."
Track Name: Room For Rent
Lately, the walls of my mind seem more hazy than clear and defined,
It's okay you see, it's just another year.
I've got a room for rent, and after today I'll move as far as I can.
Won't it feel grand to run as fast as I can?

And I know there's meaning in the sound of all those cars underground,
Or finding love in a crowd.
I know this long walk home will melt my feet to the road,
Maybe I'll know where to go.

If I've got something to prove to her, then I better go ahead,
'Cause it's got nothing to do with how I always blame myself.
I saw diamonds in the mountains,
But I couldn't see the real in her.
Take it in, pack up and go.

In time, all those wasted summer nights while I was drowning in skylight,
They'll bring me back to life.

Pack up and go.
Track Name: More Than Bodies
And every time I see the moon reflecting on oceans stretched,
This cold seems never-ending.
Tell me why you had to go explore that different place,
There's a hole in our hearts left from the space where you were.

And I know that you're here in the sounds we were meant to hear.

All around me teardrops drum on the ground,
I tried to speak, my mouth wasn't making a sound.
All the people I love just gathered around in your memory.
With every day that you're gone, the ones you left must go on,
But there's a void that can't be undone.
So all the people that love you gather around in your memory.

The words I want just come and go.
Now I'm on my own and I'm scared that death will show,
That I'm only here to be alone.

I take a look at the stars,
They're yours, they're mine, they're ours.
Every face on the street seems to stare at me for something,
There's always something.
If we're just hollow shells, I'll spend my time in hell,
But I'm convinced we're more than bodies.
We're more than just bodies.
Track Name: Young Love
I know that I don't deserve this,
But I don't know why.
Someday I'll understand everything,
Like all those shapes in the sky.

'Cause young love finds you, it blinds you, unwinds you.
It grabs a hold of your heart 'til it's time to take a chance.
Make a call, in my mind I'd risk it all.
If you'd only want me to.
Track Name: Candlelight Clouds
If this winter would stay, maybe you'd drop me a line.
In a way, I think without you I'm fine.
I recall too many nights that I'd spend in my head,
Waiting for this tension to end.

I'm flying faster than the wind over the Manhattan bridge and into a dream.

Maybe I'm haunted by that starlight,
'Cause all of its beauty is gone.

Clouds lit up by candlelight, sounds like a perfect night again.
All these city streets come to life, feels like they're more than alive.
I'm not trying to forget, I just want to live again.

Suddenly I'm alive, feels like it's only the first time.
'Cause now I believe when my ship sets sail,
I'll take a great big breath of that ocean air and I'll be fine.

Maybe I'll take in the starlight and turn it into a song.

Clouds lit up by candlelight, sounds like a perfect night again.
All these city streets come to life, feels like they're more than alive.
I'm inspired by the lights and the sounds as they become a part of me.
I'm not trying to forget, I just want to live again.

Oh, and this is what I wanted life to be,
Just me, family, a few friends, that's all I need.
Maybe a new love when I'm ready.
I'll be fine, I'm fine.
Track Name: Mando Diaries: The Subtle Signs Of Life
Fragile in my arms you'd lay.
To think I let you slip away...
The words in my brain, the blood in my veins, say you're still close.

The subtle things of every day,
That change my world in the smallest way.
That's why I'm still here. I pull my friends near, I need them close.

Awake, asleep, sometimes there's just no difference.
I live out this dream, or I lay my head down in reverie.
I try to understand the meaning of life, but it remains a mystery.

Please don't forget to say a prayer for me, I'll say one for you.
My fallen friend, it wasn't your time.
Stay with me, 'cause memory lasts forever.

Angels took you right from our arms.
Jarret, you're gone, but you will never be far.
In dreams you told me I'd be okay,
Only if I learn to see, myself, that life just won't wait.

'Cause life moved on, it didn't care if I was ready.
I tried my best in case your eyes were watching me.
Track Name: The Passing Cars
The story of the day is of a boy who's slowly starting to erase.
'Cause a love came through, left nothing in it's wake,
But a dream to ignite that frozen flame.

I glance at every passing car to see if it's you.
I've seen dreams of men get turned to waste for more than this, much more...
Is this what I'm waiting for?

If this goes on and on, see, I'll continue medicating.
Baby, this is just for fun. I've got control of life thanks to dedication.
If I'm a sheep, you're the wolf, I fall asleep, you'll take it all away.

I know you won't be the one to run to me with open arms.
I know you won't 'cause you're not strong enough.