12​:​34

by Roderick

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03:25
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04:17
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(free) 04:06
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04:09
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05:48

about

This album chronicles my life after college.

I started working on songs for "12:34" back in 2011 and much of it came in the quick years thereafter, but somewhere along the way life took a priority and I wasn't able to work on it for some time.

I grew anxious and made time for it, and over the past year have put so much blood, sweat, and tears into the crafting of this record for you all.

I'm very eager to share these songs with you, and hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed creating.

<3 Thank you!

credits

released July 15, 2014

Drums by Mike Lisa
Guitar/Bass/Keys/Vocals by Stephen Kellner
Additional Guitar on tracks 2 and 9 by Matt Caminiti

Drums and Bass recorded at House of Loud, Midland Park, NJ
Guitar/Keys/Vocals recorded at The Basement, Westwood, NJ

Engineered/Mixed/Mastered by Stephen Kellner (sksongs.bandcamp.com)
Additional engineering by Mike Lisa

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about

Roderick New York, New York

Roderick is the nom-de-plume of singer-songwriter Stephen Kellner.
Songs about life from an honest perspective.

Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song!

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Track Name: Dreaming (Night Signs)
I've been looking for a sign.
I think I'm finding my way now - maybe I'll finally get out.
I'm always searching for something or someone.

Oh I'll keep dreaming, but I won't be sleeping tonight.
I must be dreaming, because all the stars are aligned,
And I can hear everyone I love singing along.
Oh, I'll keep on dreaming tonight.

For all the nights I've spent alone, fucked up with no control,
I figured maybe I could live and just let it all go,
I'll change my ways and find space to grow.

As I soar above this crimson sky, I've never felt so god damn alive.
I can be the better man I long to be.

I felt alone when we were together. You acted cold just to spite the weather. But I believed in just floating along, said "sell it all,"
And found a reason why it took so long for you to see that my love is free.

You can't just grab at the stars,
you've got to know where they are.

I've been looking for a sign.
I think I'm finding my way now - maybe I'll finally get out…

I'll keep on dreaming tonight.
Track Name: The Fall
Did I really think I could walk away
From every mistake that I ever made?
Was I just trying to forget it all?
Now it's time that I push my pride aside
To admit I'm wrong and find some peace of mind.
To fall in love and to love the fall.

I'll never know the flow well enough to go with it.
I guess it goes to show life's a race I cannot win.
But I'll keep trying to forget it all.
I know I've got a lot to be thankful for,
And it seems I've got a shot to make it out the door with it.
To fall in love and to love the fall.

Spent a lot of college time thinking about what I want from life…
And I never found an answer.
Always changing up my mind, never thinking what is inside my head and my heart.
So I started asking questions:

What if the greed for gold just takes control?
When will it be my turn to save my own soul?

Oh, I found a will to fight for what's right.
I know all will heal in time, (so I) guess I'm in for the night.

Time is ticking away, but I, oh I, yes, I feel I'm getting closer
to living every day out the fullest way.
I can't believe I'm already twenty-three.

To think what I've accomplished, to look at what I've done…
I hope to leave a story behind when my song is sung.

What's a life to live if you're not loving?
No, I won't back down.
Track Name: Awake Before Dawn
She awakes just before dawn with barely a thing on,
And rises to the sunlight - a silhouette, a silver swan.
With all of her grace and that smile on her face,
I'm convinced she owns the daylight and makes the world a brighter place.

"The time reads:" one two: three four.
I find myself asleep on the floor again.

In time I have come to realize that this world keeps me alive -
Not a lover close beside me and the sweetness between her thighs.
Because love comes and goes but not everybody knows
A fire burns in all our hearts when given a chance to glow.

"The time reads:" one two: three four. I find myself still stuck on the floor.

Alive - I told myself to feel alive today.
To drink and dance the fuckin' night away, Like everything is cool.

I shed my skin and smoked away my sins - a new life to begin.
It took courage and time and a lot of late night choices on a whim.

There is more to the sky than that night it changed my life.
And that triplet tie of sparkles has just had its place in time.

"The time reads:" one two: three four. I'll pick myself up off the floor.

Alive - I told myself to feel alive today.
To drink and dance the fuckin' night away,
Like everything is cool and I am okay.

Awake before dawn, alone and content.
I won't let it get the best of me.
Awake before dawn, alone and content,
It's never going to get the best of me.
Track Name: Signing The Letter
Those nights that we got high under the moon's eyes are what I miss the most.
That feeling of gold, we thought we'd never grow old.
But now I'm wishing for a gold rush on the east coast.

I guess I thought it was meant to be,
You were right for me like a movie scene.
Everyone seems to have a match.
I know I've got the balls, can I make the catch?

Now I know what it's like to love,
And since I had a taste I can't get enough.
If I could only find some love at all.

Sometimes shit seems like it just won't get better.
Even my dreams are screaming run for shelter.
I'm feeling so low lately, I'm feeling low.

Am I on your mind?
I keep wasting time, where do I draw the line?

I've used too many words, been too distracted by the birds,
And now I'm better off chasing sky than chasing you.
So what if memories won't die? I'll have to live to find out why.
With this I'll try and sing my last song for you.

Sometimes shit seems like it keeps getting better and better,
Then my dreams take the shape of your face,
And I need to be put back together.
Oh it gets me low, it keeps me low, so low.

Am I on your mind?
I keep wasting time, where do I draw the line?
(I'm not bitter, but call me a quitter)
Oh I'm signing the letter - every August I will remember.

Am I on your mind?
Or am I just wasting time?
Track Name: Reputation
You walk to me, just to bite right through me.

What if things were different,
Or like they were in the past?
What is it I'm missing?
Oh god, I'm afraid to ask.

If I can't resist tonight, maybe I'll be making mistakes,
But it takes a lot of time to figure out why I'm such a fool.

You've got a reputation, but this is an invitation.
Do I say no or just go?

Defy them all, inside you're not so small.

What if I come? What if you go?
Was I the one? I guess you'll never know.
Can you fake what it takes to figure out why you're the fool now?

You've got a reputation, but this is an invitation.
Do I say no or just go?

Defy them all, inside you're not so small.
I know that you'll have time, and time it takes to find your way.
You'll have time, and time it takes to find your way away from all this.

You belong with someone else.
Is it wrong to run away? I guess I couldn't say…

But you've got a reputation...
Track Name: Stop The Time
Oh, I can't believe I slept away the day,
But I ain't gotta thing to do.
And yeah... all that I believe will slowly fade away
If I keep running after you.

It's the eye that deceives you long before the brain,
So what's a boy like me to do?
Yeah all that I believe is slowly changing shape,
But I'm getting closer to the truth.

Just gotta keep this freight train moving slow.

Stop the time and we'll fall.
Without these legs we'd crawl.
Are we strong enough to see this through?
Maybe this just feels right from my lack of insight,
But I think I'm strong enough to fight this through.

And now I hit the clouds to see a world I've never seen.
(There's) No need to run away and start anew.
I know I can't ever be the boy I used to be,
So I've got to do what I know how to do.

Just to keep this freight train moving slow.

I can't give up this time, it's part of life.

I can't believe that this shit happens to good, good people.
But I've got friends to rely on,
And they'll keep the light on in my heart.
This has to be the bigger meaning in a world of evil -
We're meant to see that the white swan is not always the right one for your heart.
Track Name: Guilty Ghost
When we were just kids we filled the world with innocence.
Would trade in all of our sins for a bike with wheels that spin.
But now a few things have changed, my mind is never not feeling strange.
I fear I overcompensate because I hate this sick, sad, lonely fate.

Could I turn back?

I guess I'll never know and it shouldn't matter.
I've reached a new low - my guilty ghost is getting fatter.
I've been kidding myself, please understand.
Yeah, so much that I've done, I thought it'd make me a man,
I was wrong.

I'll admit that I've prayed that we would both be okay,
And I still believe in the ways you showed me how good life can be.
But now I stutter when I speak and wonder how I got this weak,
This has taken it's toll on me, now I'm gently drifting out to sea,

Would I turn back?

In the eyes of a God, my God.
I've been digging for far too long.
I've been humming this gravedigger's song.
Is it real? Am I really here?

All I want is the feeling of want but not for anyone,
Not just for anyone.

I'll never know and it doesn’t matter.
I've reached a new low - my guilty ghost is getting fatter.
I've been kidding myself, please understand.
Yeah, so much that I've done, I thought it'd make me a man,
I was wrong.

I was wrong, so wrong…
Track Name: End Of Learning
I don't feel older now, just a little more fucked.
But I guess I'll call this closure now,
As I'm forced to reflect alone while driving through my home town.
All the streets look the same, but I long for covering up new ground.

So I pack up and go, I'm gone with a hell of trail.
I've got nothing but my story to sell.
I've got to keep on reaching out, it's something I feel good about.
And if we're all meant to be someone,
I hope I'm someone that can see life is more than money.

I'm calling all my oldest friends tonight
To find out how this time has slipped right by.
I know it seems like it was yesterday
That we were young and free of fear.

It's been a long year…
Trial after trial, still I sport this tailored smile.
Oh god I'm trying to be someone,
But with my fortune in the past, I just hope I'll last.

It's been a long year of trial, it gets to my brain after a while.
You'd think that falling would eventually have to stop.
It'll all make sense, I know, up is the only way to go.
So give me all you got, I can take it.

The clock is turning but I don't even care now,
Because I found meaning in the friends I call my own.
Everybody needs to know when they get down,
It's never over, you can make a place called home.

The clock is ticking and I don't even care now,
Because I found purpose sticking up for who I am.
Change is waiting in the dreams you pushed down,
to take a chance...
Track Name: Aim : Sky
It's you every time I look up at the moon.
A sky full of wishes and I still wished for you.
I wished it weren't true…

A lifetime exists in the sway and rhythm of a girl
Whose lush lips mystified my mind into a swirl.
And only now I think there's just enough light to see how much more I can be.

I'm aiming for the sky.
If I'm scared as shit, it's because this could be everything.
I cannot let this die.
I'm floating away in this dream and risking everything.

I've got to live my life.
Pour me a glass, we're going out tonight.
I'll make a toast to all the common sense,
confidence, and years I spent - to throw it all away.

I'm not just here to die.
I may not feel it now, but someday I could be anything.
I'm fated for the sky.
My senses alert, so serene - I'll take on anything.
Track Name: Where's The Whiskey?
I could fill a sea with the shitty things I've done…
Too many nights spent faking love for fun.
In the end it'll be just me and the whiskey webs I've spun.
Oh, forget it, no I won't think about it, not 'til the bottle's done.

I swear I thought I'd be a better person.
There's shit that I find real hard to explain.
I get caught up in what is real and what is fiction.
And yeah, sometimes it makes me feel like I'm insane.

And it gets so hard to bare.
Yeah it gets so hard to bare.

If I stay like this for a moment more, I fear I'll lose everything.

Tonight, everything is on my side.
I can laugh until the daylight, because I'm alive and not afraid to fly.
(Alive, a burning fire).

Now when the phone rings I hope that it's her.
Why do I want this so badly? Maybe we could fall madly in love.
I've got a feeling that this all could work out.
God, I've been praying for anything to work out.

But it gets so hard to bare.
Yeah it gets so hard to bare.

If I stay like this for one night more, maybe I won't go insane.

(and it gets so hard to bare)
I can't help feeling like we're all alone.
(and it gets so hard to bare)
My friends could open my eyes, to discover this is my home.

In three words: I fucked up.
But I found friendship in this cup of Jameson.
I'm swimming in sin, where to begin?

I know I've made these mistakes and it's taken me days,
But right now I just don't want to explain.
Track Name: ...Naive
To fall towards the sky…
To know how to fly…
To live out a life and love 'til you die.
To know that a hurt will never stay long.
To wake up your voice and add to the song of the universe.

I can't seem to find a place for me.

Can I do better and just forget her?
I used to think the world was so small,
How could I be so naive?
And although my friends all know I'm happy being free,
I can't seem to find a place for me.

I've been looking for a sign,
I think I'm finding my way now.
Maybe I'll finally get out.